Women Describing Themselves As Male Authors Would Is The Most Hilarious Twitter Thread Ever

Do you remember Pride and Prejudice?

Do you ever wonder why Mr. Darcy thought having an independent wife was a good thing? How did he respect her even after being rejected? That’s because a female wrote the book. I’m pretty sure if a man wrote it, the focus would’ve been more on the woman’s looks than her character.

I’m not saying all male authors write the same way. Of course, they don’t. But you’ll see a pattern in some places. A pattern that Twitter user @whitneyarner noticed. She asked people to describe themselves “as a male author would.”

And needless to say, the response was amazing. Read some of the best replies below:

#1 An ass that just wouldn’t quit? Is the ass in a competition or something?


#2 Always finding flaws, must be a lesbian.


#3 Butts. Butts everywhere.

#4 I don’t mind this one much.

#5 “Undersized bosom.”


#6 …Leg-like shape? What does that even mean?

#7 Scoops of vanilla ice cream.

#8 Big honking teeters.

#9 Strong cocoa body

#10 “Booby breasts.”

#11 Why is it all curves and boobs?!

#12 She could be beautiful.

#13 Always the almond-shaped eyes.


#14 So accurate.

#15 The twisted geometry of her limbs.

#16 “As round as she was loud.”


How would you describe yourself if you were a male author? Share your ideas in the comments below!

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