Doctor Shares The Strangest Things They Have Taken Out Of People’s Butt & The List Is Bizarre

  • By Asad Tipu
  • January 11, 2018
  • 3 minutes read

Teachers and nurses are the most underpaid professions.

I’m of the belief that teachers have to deal with more things and work more unpaid hours (preparing lessons and checking grades) than any other profession. And nurses have to deal with a lot of abuse, ranging from verbal, to physical, and even sexual.

But doctors get paid very, very well.

And it’s pretty justified. Can you imagine having to deal with what Dr. Mona Moore deals with as frequently as five times a week? Warning: It’s quite visceral.

Source: Vice

The things people do for their gratification is astounding.

A patient has had the better of me. On three separate occasions I inserted my gloved hand up his anal passage causing him what I believed to be excruciating pain, but no, the kinky masochist loved every second. I was merely a pawn in realizing his sexual fantasies, which is certainly not in my job description.

People will insert any available object into any available hole, and the anus is by far the favorite. We get at least five a week with non-kosher shit up their ass. The only real pleasure in treating patients with foreign objects in their anuses is listening to their excuses. One man claimed he kept his cucumbers in the shower, and had slipped and landed on it, hence why it was irretrievably lost in his anal passage.

You might think objects are normal, but it’s a lot worse than you think. Imagine: living animals.

Animals are no exception. A 50-year-old man inserted a live eel in his rectum to “relieve constipation.” Unfortunately the eel ate its way through the bowel causing an anal perforation that necessitated surgery and two months of a colostomy bag. Why put it in headfirst? Gerbils are quite popular too for the apparently pleasant scratching sensation. One case involved a man who came in with side pain and the X-ray showed a gerbil had bitten, and suffocated in, his gut.

Other objects recovered include bedposts, doorknobs, mayonnaise jars, candles, a small pistol, a grocery and newspaper combo, a 12-inch long and 8-inch wide salami, tennis balls, an aluminum tube (used by a prisoner to store money and other valuables), axe handles, soldering irons, a frozen pig’s tail, a spatula, and an ice pick. There was a case of removing a vibrator from a 65-year-old man who had had it in his rectum for six months and even traveled around the world with it. There was the 20-year-old who went to A&E with a half-full bottle of V8 in his descending colon. He had gone after it with a wire hanger attempting to get it out, shredding his colon in the process. The sad thing was he still lived with his parents and they came in to be with him during the surgery to remove it. He ended up shitting into a bag for the rest of his life.

It’s almost always gay males who do this, as women have vaginas and straight men aren’t too keen on taking it up the butt.

The doctor will ask you how it happened. You can say you fell on an orange while standing on your kitchen counter to change a light bulb, but they won’t believe you, so you may as well be honest. You will have a digital rectal exam and perhaps an X-ray to determine the nature and position of the foreign body. Then normally we’ll just bend you over and dive in to pull it out, but if we can’t get a good grip, we’ll put you under first. It’s bit of a squeeze but you can get your whole hand into the rectum to retrieve an object from an anaesthetised patient.

Your risk factors include becoming an incessant farter with poor bowel control that will result in urgent need for immediate defecation. But the biggest risk is perforating your bowel, which is rare but can be deadly. One man was found to have the entire contents of his toolbox in his bowel at his autopsy.

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