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Doctors On Reddit Shared The Most Ridiculous Ways People Injured Themselves While Doing It

As a doctor, you would probably see all sorts of things almost every day. From sensitive, embarrassing, scary and terrifying cases to extremely ridiculous and funny ones. But as a doctor or any health professional, it’s part of the job to deal with the patient well and appropriately and also to handle every case in the best possible way.

It is true that cases involving sexual injuries is one of the most embarrassing of types. Over the years, you might have heard of many such stories of people hurting themselves in unusual ways during sex, but have you ever heard someone masturbating with a milk bottle? and having their d*ck stuck in it? Or someone trying to figure out if they are gay by shoving a model plane up their ass? If not, then take a look at these unusual stories by doctors who shared them on reddit.

 

 

 

#1 Talk about some real embarrassment.

“Not a doctor here. My friend was masturbating with a milk bottle and got it stuck on his end due to air pressure. This was in the 80’s so tech was limited and milk bottles were still delivered. He waited some time but nothing changed and he called the paramedics, who arrived soon enough. The paramedics were.. well not only amused but a little vindictive I think. They did not want to cause lacerations so they decided that the air pressure could be equalised by drilling a hole in the end of the bottle without shattering it, but they didn’t have a drill. They called their public service colleagues in the fire department who arrive soon after.

Being the 80’s, there were no useful portable batteries, so the fire-engine power drill required attachment to the truck. This meant that they needed to bring my friend out to the front yard to drill the hole into the milk bottle.

So there he was with his fella in a transparent bottle on a table on the front yard of his house in the early afternoon with an ambulance and firetruck parked on the street, and paramedics and firement gathered around, and who knows looking through their kitchen window.

They used a very thin drillbit on a very low rotation to try to avoid shattering the glass. The paramedics were taking it seriously in that if there was a shatter and injury they would need to act fast – so they had ice and bandages and gloves on etc.

Next, the drilling began. Un-forseen to everyone was the effect that the drilling efforts would cause the transparent bottle to vibrate, thus stimulating the patient involuntarily.

Needless to say, the patient was indeed stimulated and to his mortified humiliation issued forth a wasted generation of his lineage under glass for all assembled to see. The drilling promptly stopped and there was some silence. After what my friend describes as a moment of humiliation that seemed to last an eon (where despite relief the majority of my friend’s tool supported the existing suction), a paramedic suggested that there now might be opportunity to slide a straw down the inside while cooling the bottle with ice.

His younger sister who had ran across the road from her friend’s house to find out what all the commotion was about, volunteered that there was a straw in the pantry. She was only seven and probably for the next year or so accepted the excuse that he fell on it. Anyhow, by the time she returned with the straw it was unnecessary. The humiliation had created the necessary difference in diameter between the bottle mouth and the, ahem, appendage.

I wasn’t there – this is the account I heard ten years later, so I don’t know how true or embellished it is. Names and locations are undisclosed, and while my re-telling of the story may be less full of facts than the original, my friend is 100% convinced that the paramedics made a big public deal of it for laughs when he pleaded with them not to admit him to hospital”

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#2 Okay that has got to hurt.

“Not during sex, but I had to drain a guy’s priapism (erection lasting more than four hours) in my emergency medicine rotation in medical school. There’s just something weird about holding an erect penis in my hand and then sticking a needle in it.”

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#3 Imagine saying goodbye to your best friend.

“Yeah, the whole “consult your physician” bit?

Its because your dick will rot off otherwise.

Penis gets hard because its inflated with blood that stays in it. If the medication makes you hard for 4+ hours, that means the blood is going in, but it isn’t coming back out.

You know what happens to blood that doesn’t get returned to the heart and lungs for more oxygen? It dies. You know what happens when you have dead blood in a body part? It starts to go gangrene.

Yes, a possible side effect of taking Cialis/Viagra/etc is that your dick rots off.”

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#4 The pain.

“Nurse, not a doctor, but I used to work in vascular surgery and we’d semi-regularly see guys coming in with penile fractures. Poor bastards. Reverse cowgirl or doggy style were the usual culprits.”

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#5 Well, you certainly don’t get to see this every day.

“Paramedic here. Not an injury but I’ve gone to two separate calls where the female passed out during sex. She orgasmed so hard she stimulated her vagus nerve (bearing down can do this) which tells the heart to slow down. This caused a blood pressure drop and unconsciousness for 30 sec. Both guys seemed concerned but impressed with themselves lol.”

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#6 ‘Desperate times call for desperate measures.’

“Had someone come to the ER with an entire Yankee candle in the rectum. And not the little one either. Your A-typical size candle. Lid and all.”

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#7 That’s one intense orgasm.

“ER nurse. Have had two women (both in their fifties) dislocate a hip during. And have had two patients (one male, one female) rupture a cerebral aneurysm at the point of climax. There must be something quite unsettling about giving someone such a juddering orgasm that they end up in ICU…”

#8 Poor guy.

“Not me but my dad, a surgeon in the 50s. A young couple were very naive on topics related to sex, but thought they would try this blow job they’ve heard so much about. She took the term literally and ruptured his bladder.”

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#9 That’s definitely a pain in the ass (pun intended)

“Tried very drunk anal for the first time in the shower. No easing into it or anything, just rammed his stupid dick straight up there balls deep. Passed out almost instantly from the pain and split my head open on the tiles and busted my lip. Went to hospital, got stitched up and was in so much butt pain I asked them to check for tears.”

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#10 The great ‘rear admiral.’

“Guy came into the ED with a “lost toy” it was too far into his sigmoid for him to retrieve. The surgeon we called “rear admiral” took more than a while to get it. When he did remove it the patient asked for it back. The angry surgeon replied ” sure thing, let me put a string on it for you first”.”

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