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Pizza Delivery People Share The Most NSFW Things They Ever Witnessed While Delivering

  • By Asad Tipu
  • January 31, 2018
  • 13 minutes read

Pizza delivery guys have been to the abyss and back.

You won’t believe the things they’ve seen, the things they’ve done. When Reddit asked them to share the most NSFW things they witnessed when on the clock, they delivered. From people going nude to guys masturbating to orgies, the delivery guys deal with a lot.

There’s drugs, sex, nudity, guns, and all kinds of things that aren’t safe for society, let alone work. That’s why you always tip them well!

Source: Reddit

#1 Marine John.

Not really NSFW, but I deliver pizzas, and we have a regular named John. The first time I ever delivered to John (who lives in a duplex complex), I heard the most angry shouting from inside. I rang the doorbell, the yelling went on for another few seconds, and John came to the door acting kinda funny. He tipped huge (like $10 on a $15 order), and thanked me profusely and closed the door. My first assumption was that John was yelling at his girlfriend/wife. This was not your average disagreement yelling either. Imagine a Drill Instructor yelling at new recruits, turned up 5x. I figured he probably beats the shit out of his wife and was trying to cover his ass for being caught screaming, tipping me big to put me at ease and make sure I didn’t run to any authorities. Felt pretty sleazy.

Turns out he’s a retired marine, huge alcoholic, and also suffers from pretty bad PTSD. He lives alone, with his dog, and is oftentimes beyond any form of coherence if he’s been drinking. I’ve found him passed out on his porch, unable to write tips, slurring everything into one long word. According to my managers, John’s a super nice guy with some demons. I’ve come to conclude he is yelling either at himself or maybe he’s suffering from delusions or schizophrenia.

It makes me sad to think about but I always like delivering to him because he seems so thankful every time.

slimeddd

#2 Personal tutor.

I used to work as a personal tutor — nothing too heavy; I’d go around to people’s houses in the evenings and teach their kids maths, English, exam technique, that sort of thing — which meant that I usually got half-terms weeks off, as most people didn’t really want their kids to have tutoring when they weren’t in school. One woman didn’t cancel her kid’s class (I figured because they were coming up to exam season, so I didn’t really question it), and so I went along with my little whiteboard and revision guides and everything, same as usual.

The mother answered the door in a pretty expensive-looking silk dressing gown (unusual for her, because she always had a pretty strict straight-to-business vibe about her) and a full face of make up even though it was five o’clock in the afternoon. I’ve never seen such a look of disappointment on anyone’s face before or since. She hurriedly explained to me that her daughter wasn’t home and she didn’t want a class that week thankyouverymuch, and pretty much pushed £20 (my hourly rate) into my hand for my trouble — fair enough, no skin off my nose, free money as far as I’m concerned.

I got back in my car and a couple of minutes later I saw a man who was emphatically not her husband head up the path at the side of the house. I’m not saying she was having an affair, but even enough I tutored the daughter for another six months, I never saw the husband again. Funny, that.

Portarossa

#3 Meth head.

might not be exactly NSFW, but I used to deliver regularly to this meth head who would be too fucked up to count her own money. She suddenly after 2 years got her shit together. She started answering the door in her work clothes with her hair tied up. her house started getting cleaner, she never did get rid of the giant paper-chandelier that was made for a living room much bigger than hers.

I watched her relapse and get clean several times. I sincerely hope she’s doing ok.

PM_UR_RED_HAIR_GURLZ

#4 Bedridden obesity.

Partially NSFW but moreso sad – delivered to a trailer once, a woman maybe 35 answered the door. Behind her was who I assumed to be husband or father but couldn’t tell. He was the most overweight person I’d seen in my life, like the kind of person who is completely bedridden and has a show on TLC. He was naked, though it’s not like I saw much more than his stomach.

He was screaming at her the entire time I was there because she’d only ordered two pizzas for him instead of three (this was in addition to a few subs, some wings, etc. that they’d ordered, presumably just for him). It was depressing, really. Though they didn’t tip.

javainstitute

#5 Straight out of a porn.

I posted this one on a simliar thread a while back:

A couple years back, I worked as a delivery guy for a pizza place. I go to a trailer in a really shitty part of town. I go there and this older black lady answered the door. She went into another room to get some cash (I assumed). She comes back wearing nothing but an open robe, exposing most of her boobs. I noticed this and tried to make as little eye contact with her or her body as possible. I gave her the receipt and she said (I can’t make this shit up) “I can give you a different kind of tip”. Those words still haunt me in my sleep. Anyways, I told her “no thanks” and left. That was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life.

Rpgwaiter

#6 German woman.

I sold candy door to door as a teen for some extra cash. My best stop was a tall, blond, fit, German woman wearing nothing but panties and a teddy top. I was a shy kid so I looked at the floor mostly. She bought 2 boxes of candy, I got to watcher her go back into her house for cash. I was 13, I think part of my brain melted. I always tried to find her house again whenever we were selling candy in her neighborhood but I could never find it. I never told any of the other kids.

Azozel

#7 Asked to join.

man in only robe comes to door, asks if i want to join, I peek in and see two naked women on the bed, I hand him his pizza and leave.

Mr_bananasham

#8 Motel

Porn shoot in a motel. Guy answers the door wearing a robe, this motel doesn’t provide robes. He only cracks the door open a little bit but I can see a canopy set up on the bed, motel doesn’t have canopy beds. Some sort of spotlight on a stand is set up in the room, illuminating the bed. Porn shoot is the only explanation I could come up with.

Different motel. Older (think 70’s) guy asks if there are any porn shops around. I tell him where the closest one is. He then asked if I wanted a tip, which I of course said yes. He asked me if I wanted a blowjob.

your_pizza_guy

#9 This guy could write his own book.

Oh man where to start. Been delivering pizzas for close to three years.

TL;DR: Sadly older men are more comfortable being naked around strangers than hot girls. Drugs, hookers, people being caught cheating, undead gingers, furious micro-stiffys, domestic abuse and lots of life experiences while driving around blasting your own music and chilling. 5/7 highly recommend pizza delivery to younger people.

I’ve had a lady answer the door in not much leather, kinda BDSM looking stuff. She had a few other girls inside laughing. That was a really nice start to my day.

Witnessed a full on domestic abuse out in the street. Guy slammed the girl with a brick, she dropped and I kept on going up the street to call the cops. Don’t think I’ll ever forget the sound of a woman screaming in fear of her life. I was the only person who called the police and stayed on the line, even though there were a few other people watching from windows. They got the guy on his way out, last I heard the woman was doing well.

Opened the door to what looked like a few kilos of heroin or something sitting on the table next to the door. Dude pulled out a massive roll of $20s to pay.

Delivered a pizza to a massive apartment building, on my way out a barely dressed Asian lad ran out of an elevator past me holding his clothes. A few moments later a white guy ran out after him and chased the guy to his car and cracked the screen banging on it as the guy hauled ass out of there.

A good looking Asian girl answers in the classic men’s long sleeved shirt and no pants looking real good, what I wasn’t expecting was a really old dude coming round the corner in much less than a classic men’s long sleeved shirt. Delivered to that guy’s house a good few more times. Always with a much younger girl who never looked super happy and he always had to be near the door too.

Delivering to parties when there were plenty of drugs around, always got offered drinks and weed as a tip.

Same apartment place as the guy with heroin on the table there was a prostitute who ordered a few times, pretty sure she was dating the dealer. She was really nice and always asked about my night and my dog. A lot of the time when she came out into the carpark to get the food a few meth heads would come out to ask her if she wanted to party and about buying drugs and stuff. One time she came out looking pretty beat up and that was the last time I saw her, no idea what happened to her but I hope she’s doing okay.

One of those aforementioned methheads was a really tiny man, kinda looked like maybe heavy drug use stunted his growth. One night I’m walking up to those apartments and I hear footsteps running behind me, I turn around expecting to get jumped but it was this tiny guy running real quick past me. Shoots into one of the buildings and goes through. On my way out I see the cops checking the street in a car. I pretty quietly point towards the building he went into and tell them he went through to the other side and was long gone. They were like “yeah we figured, cheers” and drove off.

There was a nightmare lady who was on our unofficial blacklist for a while. Always gave us grief everytime she ordered. It would be shit like ordering half and half then swapping toppings around to make it look like it was made wrong. Anyway, one night she ordered and I opened the door and on her couch in full view was a really obese old guy totally naked just chilling there with his 2 inches of furious chode staring back at me. When she called up to complain and get a replacement pizza I sent one of the younger drivers to give it to her. No way I was going back.

Had a big ol’ ginger guy always answer the door in nothing but tighty whities looking like he was just raised from the dead and really resented that fact. Saw him in clothes only once, when he came into the store to pickup instead of getting it delivered.

These are just the ones that stick out in my mind immediately.

GhostGhillie141

#10 Reasonably upset.

I used to work for a company that operated in the same way as Uber Eats except it was a local company and doesn’t operate outside of a few cities. I went to a house to drop off a delivery and when the girl opened the door, a massive cloud of weed smoke came out. She was getting her money out and as she was digging through her purse, I saw another girl walk by topless followed by another one wearing just lingerie. They both saw me, laughed and said something to each other underneath their breath then ran into the kitchen. I don’t know what exactly was going on in that house but I’m upset that they didn’t invite me.

Merry_Dankmas

#11 Not the kind of NSFW people want.

Oh christ my husband was someone’s NSFW before. It was probably NSFL. Many eons ago some of his friends got blasted drunk and ordered Chinese food delivery. One of the friends had a fetish French maid’s outfit, with a petticoat and garters and everything, and they all decided that Husband should answer the door wearing it and hand the delivery guy money out of the garter for a laugh. Except my husband is stocky like an ox, and his chest hair starts at his beard and goes down to his feet. I didn’t know him back then and there aren’t any pictures, but probably he looked like a tribble in a fishing net.

That delivery guy is likely still in therapy.

SoldMySoulForHairDye

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