×

9 Horrifying Things That Would Happen If Disney Were Real

Disney is full of fanciful and imaginative things, from mermaids to talking puppets to magic carpets. They tickle our fancy and test the limits of human invention. They’re not exactly restricted by laws of reality,  but what if they were? What if there really were mermaids, what would they look like? And is it really possible to fly to Athens from Cairo in a second?

Read on and find out.

#1 If mermaids existed, they would be hairless with stumpy arms.

Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed

The Little Mermaid shows beautiful mermaids, daughters of Triton, with long flowing locks of hair and a human torso attached to fish legs. But what if humans evolved to live under the sea? Well, there’s a certain science attached…

“[Mermaids] would most likely have dorsal fins sticking out of their backs. Think of dolphins. Also, the arms would be fin-like or gone. There is not much use for hands in the open ocean. Further, their noses would be on the tops of their heads. And finally, they would be hairless, so no flowing locks,” stated University of California, Irvine evolutionary biologist Bradford Hawkins.

So unless Prince Eric is into forehead piercings, amputees and bald women, he’s not exactly going to be jumping with joy when he’s about to “kiss the girl”.

#2 Aladdin and Jasmine would burn their faces off

 

Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed

I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid.

I don’t know about you, but the song’s playing in my head again. if you remember the scene, Aladdin and Jasmine flew from Cairo to Athens in practically a second. That’s an incredible distance in a very short amount of time. How fast would they be going and what would that speed do to them?

Alejandro Garcia, Ph.D., an animation physicist at San Jose State University and DreamWorks actually ran a bunch of calculations to tell us what would happen if that were to ever happen to us (assuming the magic carpet is real).

“Since meteors burn up as they enter our atmosphere and they travel at a mere [6 to 43 miles] per second, it seems that Aladdin and Jasmine certainly need some magic to keep them safe from the viscous heat generated by their motion through the air,”

Basically, they’d be a very quick, sudden burst of bright dust.

#3 Why Marlin wanted to find Nemo so bad

Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed

Patrick Cooney, a fishery scientist, wrote in his blog:

“Since Nemo is the only other clownfish around, he becomes a male and mates with his father (who is now a female). Should his father die, Nemo would change into a female and mate with another male,”

Marlin’s wife was eaten by a barracuda, but because the only two remaining fishes were male, their hermaphordite characteristic would show, and Marlin would become Marline. His- Excuse me, her desire to find Nemo isn’t exactly chaste.

#4 Pinocchio’s neck can only handle 13 lies

Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed

A wooden puppet who came alive only had one wish, to become a real boy. However, if he lied, his nose would grow. And keep growing and growing.

Evidently, Steffan Llewellyn ran some calculations in the Journal of Interdisciplinary Science Topics (JIST), and sweet little Pinocchio can only handle 13 lies until his nose grows 682 feet long, because then, his neck would break by the sheer weight of his nose.

“Nevertheless, this unique ability can be of great concern for the puppet, and lengthy, extensive lies are advised against, for the health and well-being of Pinocchio,” added Llewellyn.

 

#5 Prince Naveen is a nuclear bomb

Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed

According to E=MC^2, it is theoretically possible to add mass to a frog to turn him into a man. The downside? According to Yannic Chen’s calculations in JISTthe energy would be equicalent to a nuclear weapon.

Alejandro Garcia said that because there is no source of energy, they’d have to take heat out of the air, freezing everything. Turning Nitrogen and Oxygen into liquids and take up as minimum space as possible. There would suddenly be zero air pressure and the atmosphere would rush into the vacuum. Garcia likened it to “a blast wave from a nuclear weapon.”

BBC said that their stomachs would burst and/or shatter from ingesting nitrogen and oxygen in their liquid forms. The heat that would be generated in excess would burn their retinas and their skin, if the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is to be believed.

#6 Geppetto would come out in pieces from Monstro

Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed

Pinocchio was created by Geppetto, who he calls his father. In the movie, Geppetto gets swallowed whole by a giant whale but escapes without any damage when Monstro (the whale) sneezes. Hawkins said that Geppetto would die of asphyxiation due to lack of oxygen inside Monstro.

Furthermore, Monstro is not used to digesting mammal meat. Look at his teeth, they’re made to tear into flesh. He chews his meat before he swallows. Geppetto would be eaten in pieces, like killer whales eat seals.

#7 Sleeping Beauty would be ugly af

Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed

Aurora slips into a deep, graceful sleep, clutching a flower, awaiting true love’s first kiss. Do you know what sleeping for weeks is called in real life?

A coma.

Without medical attention, Aurora would die of thirst within a week, two at most. Her skin would dry out, turn scaly and brittle because of dehydration, and because she’d have no saliva in her mouth (which is antibacterial), her mouth would stink like a sewer.

No kisses for you, princess.

#8 Elsa killed Anna

Dan Meth / Via BuzzFeed

In the movie, Elsa accidentally freezes Anna but she eventually thaws out and comes back to life through the warmth of sisterly love.

However, according to BBC, at low temperatures, blood clots extensively, and the only way to survive it (in cryogenics) is to have your body pumped full of extra chemicals. Anna’s blood would coagulate, her cells would freeze and shatter, and she would die.

Cryogenics still hasn’t advanced enough to prevent that. Anna’s body would be destroyed and beyond any sort of recovery.

#9 The only movie that makes scientific sense is The Lion King 

Disney

And that’s a movie about talking animals.

In a very iconic scene, the trio sit in the grass and stare at the sky. Simba says the stars are dead kings, and Timon thinks they’re butterflies.

Pumbaa, however, adds the scientific truth “I always thought they were balls of gas burning millions of miles away.”

But even my favourite movie The Lion King won’t get away with a dose of science.

In real life, Simba would eat Timon and Pumbaa.

Breaking Bad
Send this to a friend