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10+ Most Hilarious Things That Have Ever Been Said In Court

Courtrooms and their cases are generally a very serious business. Although, there are a few witnesses, attorneys and judges that unintentionally add humor to the not-so-humorous courtrooms. In any case, it makes for some great comedy!

Charles M Sevilla has spent a lot of time in court. Recently, he wrote a book with dozens of hilarious interactions between judges, defendants, attorneys and witnesses. He calls it “Disorders in the Court”.

Sevilla describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. Don’t believe a word of what we said? Then, check out the excerpts for yourself.

Here are a few of the most hilarious things that have happened in court:

1) Stating the obvious.

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death…

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

2) Savage under oath.

LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–

WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.

3) Objection.

LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?

OTHER LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

4) There’s no reason not to joke.

LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

5) Responding too literally.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral…

6) Panic at the disco.

LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

WITNESS: Yes.

LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

WITNESS: Yes, sir.

LAWYER: What did she say?

WITNESS: ‘What disco am I at?’

7) Nothing is impossible.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No…

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

8) Long term memory issues.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

9) Some people just aren’t that bright.

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

10) Basically.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

11) BURN.

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

12) The victim lived.

LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?

WITNESS: The victim lived.

13) Trick question.

LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

14) You have the right to remain silent.

LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?

WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.

LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?

WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.

LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?

WITNESS: No.

15) The one that got away…

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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