#11 The dildo.
My dad is an ER doctor. Early in his career, he had a big, burly truck driver come into the emergency room and flat out say, ‘Doc I’ve got a dildo in my ass you’ve gotta get it out.’
So, my dad takes him into a room with a nurse accompanying him, has the guy bend over and grab the exam table, and my dad tells the nurse to duck when he says so.
He grabs hold of the end of the dildo with those gator clamp things, and straight yanks it out as hard as he can.
The nurse behind him never ducked, and a splurge of blood and shit hits her, full-frontal.
My dad said the nurse ran out screaming, leaving behind a perfect silhouette against the wall while the dildo flopped around the floor, still vibrating.
A lady pooped while pushing but didn’t know it.
She boldly yelled out ‘Okay, who farted?!’
One day a lady came in complaining that she was having a lot of pain inside her vagina.
So my friend’s aunt went to check what the pain was and ended up pulling out underwear out of her vagina.
Like how the fuck does someone get underwear stuck in their vagina and not know about it?
Had a nursing student accidentally stand in the line of fire during a colonoscopy.
#15 Insane man.
There was a guy at 4 a.m. who crashed his car through the gate at the parking lot across the street from the hospital.
Shot his way through a door with a shot gun, made his way up to cardiac floor, and threatened to shoot a nurse in front of a patient if she did not perform oral.
He then proceeded to shoot himself in the head in the room.
#16 Nike Pegasus running shoe.
Here is a list of things I’ve removed from people’s rectums:
-A 750 mL wine bottle, empty.
-Jar of Pace Picante Sauce, half full.
-Quick drying concrete
-Dildos, dildos, dildos
-A smorgasbord of various vegetables and fruit.
-Pounds of cocaine and heroin
-And my personal favorite: a Nike Pegasus running shoe
#17 Disgusting stories.
My grandmother was a nurse:
Before Roe v Wade, women used to come in all the time butchered up and bleeding. From coat hangers, too.
A guy with diabetic gangrene on his legs started seizing. She held a leg, and it came off in her hands.
She helped deliver a 15-month-old fetus – in pieces.
A homeless woman with maggots coming out of her vagina.
Guy comes in to the ER and demands to be seen but refuses to tell anyone why.
No one would take him in the back until he did.
So, he douses himself with lighter fluid and lights himself on fire.