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10+ Hilarious Doctor-Patient Stories That’ll Just Make You Laugh All Day

  • By Asad Tipu
  • November 1, 2017
  • 15 minutes read

Being a doctor is a very stressful job.

You have the life of people hanging in the balance, dependent entirely on your ability, and if you mess up, they will die. It’s not easy, that’s why there are such strict screening procedures, why it’s so hard to become a doctor or a nurse. You need to be very specifically trained and very capable of handling difficult things.

But outside of the difficulty and responsibility, there’s also the trouble of dealing with patients who are just very… Eccentric, let’s say.

#1 Best bit of…

Surgeon here. Was doing varicose veins surgery on a very posh middle aged lady. Very cut class accent. There was an anaesthetic that we used that sometimes induced some hallucinations either going under or coming out of anaesthesia and heard some funny things.
Anyway this lady was in recovery just coming out of the anaesthetic. The team were around waiting for her to wake up and gag a little on the tube in her throat (for breathing) so we knew it was time to remove it. She gagged, we removed the tube, she smacked her lips and said loudly, in her incredible accent:
‘That’s the best bit of cock I have had in years!’
The whole recovery room just fell about laughing. Luckily she didn’t remember it.

DrWYSIWYG

#2 Earache.

My patient announced she had good news … and bad. “The medicine for my earache worked,” she said.
“What’s the bad news?” I asked.
“It tasted awful.”
Since she was feeling better, I didn’t have the heart to tell her they’re called eardrops for a reason.

Dr Murray Grossan

#3 Ingrown toenail

When I went to the ER to have a painful ingrown toenail removed, I was sobbing, gagging, petrified … the works. But my doctor knew how to calm me down.
“Don’t worry about a thing,” he assured me. “I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube.”

Chelsea Bender

#4 Aisle six.

Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the grocery store and really hurt myself.
Me: Where did you get hurt?
Patient: Aisle six.

Dr John Munshower

#5 Sessions.

Not a doctor, but my human sexuality professor in grad school had some interesting stories. He worked a lot in very conservative Christian communities and so a lot of times people got married with no sex education. One couple was in therapy because neither one of them enjoyed sex or ever had an orgasm. After having them talk through step by step what they did in bed, he learned the guy was just sticking it in and nothing else. He told the guy to move back and forth next time and see what happened. They couple came back one more time to say “THANK YOU!!!!!” and didn’t need any more sessions.

blake41185

#6  Thanks.

“Here,” says the nurse, handing the patient a urine specimen container. “The bathroom’s over there.” A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom.
“Thanks,” he says, returning the empty container. “But there was a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all.”

Dr Travis Stork

#7 Urologist.

Was at a urologist in a hospital and there were a couple of power cuts. Lights dipped out, generators kicked in.
As he’s finishing the examination, mid-sentence, the lights go out again. He gets up and walks out to check on things.
Fifteen minutes later I’m still sat on the bed with my old chap out and pants around my ankles. A nurse walks past the open door and does one of those comedy double-takes.
“….do you…do you have an appointment?”
Turns out the doc had actually finished the examination, and returned to the ward some 15 minutes ago. To the nurse I was just some guy who had walked in and pulled his pants down and left the door open.

Hitz365

#8 Meeting of minds.

During surgery, my fellow resident bumped heads with the surgeon.
“Ah, Dr Jones, a meeting of the minds,” he said, laughing it off.
The surgeon mumbled, “Yes. And I felt so alone.”

Dr Sid Schwab

#9 Gynecologist.

A woman had a gynecologist appointment one afternoon. Before leaving home she used a little feminine deodorant spray, just in case.
She gets to her appointment and is assisted into the stirrups for her pelvic exam.
The doc takes a quick look and says “My, aren’t we fancy today!”
She and not used her feminine deodorant spray; she had instead accidentally used her daughter’s glitter hairspray.

Eroe777

#10 Third husband.

As I leaned in to check her eyes, my older patient got a little frisky.
“You remind me of my third husband,” she said coyly.
“Third husband?” I asked. “How many have you had?”
“Two.”

Dr Leon Pendracky

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