Splitting up is hard.
I mean other than the emotional problems you have to face, there is also a huge problem of monetary value. After all most people really don’t get a fair splitting of financial assets. So there is always one person in the marriage that gets the short end.
Now, sometimes they might deserve it, but sometimes they don’t. But one thing is for sure, marriages don’t usually end in a friendly manner, and most of the time one or both of the parties want to screw over the other person.
Following are some of those stories.
#1 Cold as ice.
I did some consulting work for two divorce attorneys when I was in grad school.
Their client was a career airline pilot. His wife worked part time so there was a huge income disparity. It was an ugly divorce.
During the process but before the final decree, tax time rolled around. The wife’s attorney calls my guys and says, “Her accountant just called. If they can just share their W-2’s and file jointly, they each stand to save about $8000 over married filing separately.”
My guys took that info to the husband. He says, “Fuck her. Losing $8000 is going to be way worse for her than it will be for me.” Cold as ice, man.
I was a clerk of the court and we handled a lot of divorce files. You wouldn’t believe how many people submit nude pictures of their soon-to-be exes into the court record as evidence.
Not because the pictures are relevant in any way to the divorce proceedings, but simply to humiliate them — court files, unless sealed by the judge, are public record so anyone who cares to look can access the court file and all the exhibits.
Family court is the most depressing division. Don’t send nudes to people… except for me, I’m totally trustworthy.
#3 The bitch!
My uncle represented this guy getting a divorce from his wife of 15 years. Super toxic breakup and they split everything 50/50, even the land that the house they lived in sat upon.
Well she decides to build a house right behind the other house, mind you this was a lot of land probably 200 yards separating both home sites, so that the back of the houses faced each other.
The house gets built and my uncle gets a call from his client asking about the legality of a situation he had gotten himself into. Apparently his ex wife would spend a lot of time in her backyard, so he saw her all the time.
What he did was buy a female dog and name it the same name as his ex-wife. Anytime he would let his dog back in from letting her out he would yell “Susan you bitch! Get in here!”
He would also yell if she was peeing on the flowers,”Susan you bitch! Quit pissing on the flowers!” or “Susan you bitch! Quit digging in the dirt!”
The ex-wife called the cops on him a couple of times, but there was nothing they could do because the dog was registered under the name of Susan, and it was in fact a bitch so there you go.
#4 70-year-old principal.
A woman in my town is a Principal at a local elementary school. She is in her mid 70s (at least).
I asked someone why she doesn’t retire and they explained that she and her spouse went through a very contentious divorce about 15 years ago.
And she has to give him a portion of her retirement so she has decided to NEVER retire so he gets nothing ever! Hahahahaha.
#5 Sentimental value.
My father had a precious set of old, inexpensive kitchenware that his late mother gave him before he even married my mother.
When the divorce went to mediation and she told the mediator that she wanted those pots and pans, she got them.
She got them because she was willing to give up something else of equal monetary value (so, something worth less than $10), and was willing to sit in mediation for hours, racking up thousands in lawyer fees for both sides
Until my father consented. Again, an even financial trade, but a sentimental trade of overwhelming disparity.
Just as a final “fuck you.”
Someone who used to drink in a local pub was getting divorced whilst he was building a new house, they had to get the place valued and then determine how much they would each get from the sale of it.
Before the surveyor came round he plastered up the ceiling where the stairs were and said it was only a single storey house with a big loft.
#7 Pizza deliverer.
A friend of mine in high school worked at a pizza place. One of the delivery drivers was just ridiculously smart when I talked to him.
Later I found out that he use to be a nuclear physicist. His wife was also a nuclear physicist, but left him for her lawyer.
He got screwed out of his kids, most of the assets, and had to pay a lot towards alimony/child support.
He did the math, and figured out the tips he didn’t get taxed on plus his minimum wage delivering pizza was more than keeping his job as a nuclear physicist.
Plus he got a little satisfaction not having to pay her as much. The guy was really nice. I always felt bad for him.
#8 Child support.
Dad was a real asshole and mom tried to save him a lot of money during the divorce. They have 3 kids who were 16, 13, and 8. Dad wouldn’t sign ANY agreement my moms lawyer produced.
It had to be his idea and from his lawyer or it wasn’t getting signed. Dads lawyer was incompetent and sends an agreement that states he will pay $2,000 a month in child support until all kids are 18.
Mom tried to explain to dad that it needed to be revised to lower every time a child turned 18.
Dad called mom a cunt during that negotiation so mom said fuck it and signed the agreement and dad paid the $2,000/month for 10 years when he should’ve been paying around $1,400/month for 5 years and $700/month for the last 5 years.
#9 Burned house.
The couple separated 10 years ago but didn’t officially divorce until a couple years ago.
She was going to get his house so he burnt it down then faxed her the transfer of ownership forms. He might be going to jail for arson though.
#10 Mint condition.
My brother in law just bought a 2015 Mercedes SL63 AMG. It was listed for approximately 40% of the cost of other comparable cars.
Goes to check it out, expecting it to be trashed. Mint condition. Newly divorced woman, car was husband’s prized possession.. she wanted to dump it quick to spite him!
#11 Children hospital.
Former employer’s wife was terminally ill. Found out in her final months that her wealthy husband had a very secretive life (gambling/affairs).
She realized that his mistress was visiting the house that claiming was an assistant. In reality she was preparing a remodel of their home for when she moved in after the wife’s death.
Right before she died she gave a MASSIVE pledge donation to her local children’s hospital in her & her husbands name. If he went back on it, his public image would have been hit pretty hard.
He’s not living on peanuts. But lets just say that most of his earnings go to this Children’s Hospital.